Giving yourself permission to feel whatever you are feeling is crucial in order to heal and move on after a breakup. 

But as important as feeling it is sharing those feelings and emotions.

I used to be really good at keeping it all to myself. 

I was the bearer of so many secrets, things I had done, felt, said or had been done, said to me.

Things that had hurt me, deeply. 

But I’d pretend and convince myself that it wasn’t too bad, that it didn’t hurt, that I was ok.

Sharing my deepest shortcomings and emotions would certainly not match the idea I had of myself (and wanted others to have of me), that of a balanced and strong person who had it all together.

And coping by myself, keeping my emotions at bay was my way of proving to myself, and others, that I was strong.

Behind all that there was a big sense of not being enough, of falling short, of being stupid, inadequate, too sensitive, weak. 

And what I most feared: to have confirmation from others that I was right, that there was indeed something wrong with me.

My relationship failures were my proof. 

Plus I really didn’t want others to worry about me or bother them with my problems.

But I wasn’t doing well.

Pains, hurts, disappointments, hopelessness in the relationship arena were accumulating and disconnecting me more and more from myself and from others.

The Pandora box opened after a painful breakup.

And I trust it opened at the right time because only then and not before I was ready to look at the parts of me I didn’t want to see, commit to personal and spiritual growth, as they say, deep healing and transformation. 

I then realised that all those carefully hidden “shortcomings” were both the prison and the gate to freedom. 

Sharing them with the right person in a safe and trusting way was the most liberating thing.

What secrets, if any, may be imprisoning you? 

Who would you be without them?

With love xoxo

Photo Kristina Flour