In my group Program, Loving your Imperfect Self, we have been working on personal boundarie.
Often, we may not know what boundaries are or how to set them, especially if we have a story of having had them violated repeatedly over the years.
Think of your boundaries as some sort of guidelines or set of rules that show others how to treat you.
If you want to be treated in a certain way, if you want people to treat you with respect you need to say something when that doesn’t happen because if you don’t then you are allowing them to do it again.
Here are 4 steps to help you practice your boundary setting.
Step 1 is to get clear on want you want or what you don’t want.
It might be that you don’t want to be patronised, or shouted at, or taken for granted.
Step 2 is to say whatever you want to say in a clear, calm, firm, and kind way.
Without apologising, without over-explaining, without justifying.
You just say it as calmly as you can.
Step 3 is to stick with it. Do not backtrack! Do not let guilt or apologies run the show.
Step 4 is to remember that, especially at the beginning, you won’t always get it right.
Perhaps you won’t be able to say a thing, or you are not going to be as firm and factual as you would like.
Or you will get very emotional.
Or things won’t come up in a calm way.
Or you will go to the other extreme feeling overconfident and arrogant.
Being aware of something that you thought was normal but is not, it is always the 1st step to change it, and it is a big step!
As with anything else in life, boundary setting is pure practice.
Baby steps with situations that aren’t too challenging is a good start
You will get better at it the more you do it.
Remember clear, calm, firm, and kind.
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Photo: Beth Hopes